my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
