That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
