i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
