Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You have to summon your inner elephant
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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