Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
