Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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