His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
