there's paper in my vomit.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
