Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
