It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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