the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
