A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
