It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
