the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
