Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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