I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
bring money and cleavage
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
