apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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