My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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