Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
