Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
