i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
