I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
