I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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