I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
