Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
