she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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