almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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