Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
