i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
