Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
