listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
