is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
