Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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