So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
