I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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