I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
