could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
