Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize