we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
