Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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