I cannot find my penis.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
