how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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