My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
