I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
