There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
