so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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