So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
