my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
