Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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