Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
