need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
