Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
