so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Are we still banned from the library?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
