remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
