You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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