Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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