we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
