why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
