I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
