you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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