TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
