well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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