Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
