Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
