dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
