I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
