It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
