so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
