I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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