ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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