he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
