Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
