it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
