my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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