She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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