Can Purell be used as lube?
I wish I only lived at night.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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