I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
