Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
