If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
