I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
