hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
