i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
