Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
