You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
