I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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