I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
