Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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