Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
