I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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