I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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