I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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