laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
