Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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