dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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