I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
